A woman walks past you with a figure that sets off every evolutionary attraction trigger in your body. Maybe you love long legs. Maybe you love curves like Keeley Hazell. Perhaps you love petite women. Whatever is the case, this woman walks directly in your path, wearing something that perfectly compliments that particular feature that makes you heart beat faster.

Of course, you’re a guy so it’s hard not to look a little bit longer than you know you should. Every second you look, your blood rushes farther away from your brain and you find that verbal competency isn’t exactly what it was a moment ago. If you find the strength to go and talk to her you’ll be lucky to get out a “that dress looks great on you” without stuttering.

Now, if you’re fairly good looking and have a ton of confidence and she’s in the right frame of mind then this could actually work, however it’s not really giving yourself the best odds.

Instead of letting your eyes fall where they naturally want to, make a concerted effort to focus her eyes elsewhere, namely: her face. Not only does this keep more blood in your brain and make you more charming, it also gives you a number of other advantages.

For starters, as long as your body language is good there’s a good chance that she’s going to meet your eye contact. If this lasts longer than two seconds, then you know she wants you to talk to her. On the flip side, if she notices you staring at her body, she may not want you to come talk to her as much. This is because it takes a man to look her right in the eye. Avoiding eye contact while looking at her body is an easy way to tell he that you don’t deserve her, but you still think she’s hot.

Don’t get me wrong, of course you have to check out the body, but even this you can use to your advantage. When you and a woman hold eye contact keep the eye contact going as you approach. When you’re a couple steps away from her let your glance drift from her eyes to give a quick up-and-down of her body before meeting her gaze again with a smile. This takes you from some guy staring at her ass to a man who’s caught her interest and charmingly compliments her with approval after a quick glance.

Even if she doesn’t make eye contact with you, you can still gain a lot from looking at her face. You’ll be able to tell if she’s bored, happy, nervous, pre-occupied, looking for guys, or having fun; all of  which will affect how you talk to her when you approach.* Suddenly this woman isn’t some hot girl who you can’t figure out how to approach, but becomes a person with the same thoughts and insecurities that you have. This alone makes it ten times easier to empathize and connect with them.

Once again, I know it’s not the easiest thing to do, but the more you switch your focus from her body to her face, the more opportunities you’ll give yourself with some of the girls that you may have previously thought were just out of your league. Focus on this the next time you go out and you’ll find yourself talking to more of the women that you may have thought were beyond your reach the night before.

*More on this in my upcoming product

Miss Model Behavior has been a friend of Christian and I for awhile now and if you’ve been following thesocialman.com you’ve seen more than one bit of advice from her. In case you’re not familiar, MMB is a great writer and I highly recommend checking out all of her stuff at her blog. 

Before Christian and I ever started working together, she wrote a post that I just had the pleasure of reading this evening. In it, MMB gives us a look at what women want in a man from a female perspective.

You can check out the original article and read more from her here.

MMB

I’m not what you’d call a warm and fuzzy person. I’m not so into animals and only really cute babies make me smile. Yet I’m always inevitably touched when readers email me comments about this site that aren’t derogatory, abusive or spiteful. I even glow an extra mega-watt when it’s clear the reader has a sense of humor, gets my sense of humor, and knows damn well how to write. So naturally I was thrilled when I received this email:

Dear mb,

Being an avid reader of your blog, I was hoping you could shed some light on a question that I have had for quite some time. Though it may sound douchbager-esque, and surely superficial; since I was in college I had two goals in mind, one being to work on Wall St. and the other to marry, or atleast date, a model. No, I am not trying to ask you out. I have read what you look for in a guy and I am not European, I am blonde, and not too tall….So

I accomplished the Wall St. thing, though still w/o the means to spend 10k at The Box on a Thursday evening. And I know, you having been around models and one yourself, that you have an idea of what generally your friends look for in a guy. Tell me if you think I am getting close…money, lots of it, and ummmm….charisma? I’m working on the money thing but the likelihood of me getting anywhere close to Giuseppe, by the time I am 40, is a somewhat far reach. I obviously can’t make myself European, only coming close by attending the London School of Business. And I can’t go out every night and still have a career…impossible w/o a trust fund. So, let me know your enlightening thoughts, if you would be so kind…

First off, making yourself more European by attending London School of Business is a fabulous idea! The sexiest option after Oxford or Cambridge is LES – London School of Economics. That place pops out moneymaking, briefcase-carrying, gold cufflink-wearing, heartless-men machines. And you don’t need a trust fund to go out every night and have a career, you just needs lots of cocaine! Scratch that, you need generous trust fund wielding friends who do cocaine and are willing to share. And as for models wanting “money, lots of it, and ummmm….charisma” you’re way off the mark. X out the charisma part, multiply the money factor by three, and you’ve much more successfully outlined what your average accent possessing, chain smoking, heartless model wants out of a relationship.

JUST KIDDING!

If only the answer to this email were that simple.

I think the first thing men need to understand about what women want, is that the majority of us vagina-possessing creatures have absolutely no idea what we want. Or we’re in denial about what we want. Or we have what we want, we’re just incapable of fully recognizing it or giving it credit.

We’re generally really confused. Does that make sense?

We’re an extremely capable gender so hell, if we knew what we wanted we’d go out, tackle, and mount it with success – there’d be no time for gossiping or shopping or beautifying or reality TV or any of the other ten thousand ways we find to distract ourselves from the fact that we ultimately have no idea if we want a man like or father, a best friend, an authority figure, a masochist, a sex object or a teddy bear. We just don’t freakin’ know. At least I don’t freakin’ know, and I think women who disagree are either in denial or have succeeded in establishing what they want in the short run (like, for the next three weeks while I’m up to my ears in tax returns I need a fun-loving playboy.) But in the long run? Geez. Next question, please.

So to get back on track and actually give some advice to the lovely chap that emailed in, I’d say if the goal is to date a model (or model poser) that’s an extremely easy feat in Manhattan. Just go to Beatrice Inn, dress well, pretend to be a big shot, mention that you summer in Como, sniffle in an I’m-on-drugs-way and surely some inexperienced female model victim will bite. If the goal is to have a successful relationship with a smart and beautiful woman, I’d say be extremely polite at all times (most mothers have engrained their female offspring to prize chivalry) and then take a serious interest in her. Really work to get to know this woman – what makes her tick, and if you genuinely like her, this shouldn’t be ‘work’ at all.

My theory is that women respond well to men who

1. Make them feel at ease (don’t be creepy, desperate, or sniffling)
2. They can identify with (from the same geographical area, common schools, common friends – no don’t lie) and
3. Want to get to know them (in a non-stalkerish way)

Ask her why she decided to wear pink instead of yellow, chose lasagna over sword fish, the story behind why she called her cat Oreo instead of Freckles, why she likes Giuliani over McCain, why she has an Alanis Morissette poster in her room, why her apartment smells like corndogs. Delve into her quirks. No, you shouldn’t sound like an annoying five-year-old or like a freak writing a book. Be genuine. The fact is that most women love to talk – it’s been medically diagnosed as therapeutic (why do you think we spend hours on the phone with our girlfriends every other night?) Remember that most women are just humans immersed in the continuing battle of figuring out who they are. Life is somewhat of a continuing identity crisis, or challenge, or game (choose your own noun). So anyone who takes a genuine interest in a loving, non-judgmental way allows us as women to show off the parts of our personality we like and gives us a trusting space to figure out the parts we’re still trying to piece together.

Maybe I got a bit too philosophical here, and emailer, please feel free to write in again with a more specific question. Like if you’re just looking for a top ten list of surefire seduction tricks, I could provide you with that as well (with the obligatory price of $199.99). I guess my point was that if men want to know what women want, they should know that women are just as confused the next guy. As for what I specifically want in men, that’s another delightful (and frightening) laundry list for another day.

In case you missed it, CNN Money just did a piece on The Social Man and there’s a fair amount of screen-time of myself in it.

You can check out the piece at: http://www.thesocialman.com/the-social-man-on-cnn

I’d love to hear your comments and stay tuned for more stuff like this in the future.

Imagine being attracted to a woman and going up to her and saying, “hey I find you attractive and I’d like for us to get to know each other better”. The very next second she either says she feels the same way or not. If not, then you don’t feel embarrassed or ashamed, you simply find the next woman that you are attracted to and after two or three more tries you find a woman who feel the same way. After she says she feels the same, the two of you start to get to know each other without worry about anything else and find out if you are compatible to date or not.

Now let’s look at the world. You see a woman you’re attracted to, you worry whether or not she’ll accept or reject you and you try to come up with something to say in order to avoid the latter. Meanwhile, she’s got a million things running through her head. Before a guy says hi she’s thinking about how she looks relative to every other girl there. Once a guy does approach her she has to worry about whether this guy is an asshole who could break her heart or worse. If she does like him she has to think about how she can act in order to get the guy attracted to her while the guy nervously does the same. The result - millions of men and women who are not fully satisfied with their single lives.

Why is the world one way and not the other? Why does meeting people have to be so hard? If you look closely at these two scenarios the difference is apparent: fear has won.

Instead of our interactions being molded by a foundation of trust and security, humans have had to over-compensate in their interactions because of their fear and insecurity. People’s actions and a whole crop of dating “advice” have been dictated by how one can avoid rejection, how one can avoid getting their heart broken, and how one can avoid their fears without confronting them.

Is the fear there for a good reason? Of course. We’ve all been hurt enough times in our lives to know that it’s not a feeling we ever want to feel again. Keep in mind however that your actions say more about you then those around you. Studies have shown that if one partner cheats on their spouse, they are much more likely to worry about the other partner cheating. Similarly, if the way you act toward women is motivated in any way by fear, it makes it much more likely that the other person will feel wary of you.

While we don’t live in a dating utopia, you can still create one for yourself. Take a good look at your own behaviors toward women. Which are motivated by your own genuine desire for them and which are motivated by your fear of rejection or fear of being hurt? Maybe you just want to talk to a girl again but you’re afraid she’ll say “no” when you ask for her number. Maybe you just want to kiss her but instead you wait around for an obvious signal that never comes instead of just telling her. Maybe you apologize for your natural thoughts and behaviors because you’re afraid of how people will react to them. Make a little list for yourself and do whatever you can to destroy those behaviors which are holding you back. As you let your unbridled fearlessness show, you will influence the men and women around you to drop their guards a bit and be more open to go after what they want.

This second there is a wonderful woman worried that she’ll never find a decent guy. Will you approach her with fear and cause her to raise her defenses higher? Or will you be the man to show her that it’s okay to lower those defenses and just enjoy the moment. Facing your fear and pushing past it certainly isn’t an easy thing, but then again, being a man never is. The world may have lost it’s chance at a dating utopia, but that will just make you stand out that much more when you’re a man who defies it.

I’ve been working as a social and dating coach for a little over a year now (time flies) and have been lucky to work with a large number of really great guys. There is one thing that I have to coach guys on again and again that always has a dramatic effect on their interactions with women. It’s not an opening line, nor their conversation skill. It’s simply their fundamentals: eye contact, body language, and vocal tonality.

I see these issues time and time again. If a guy has them down, then the rest of my job is easy. If he doesn’t, then there is nothing he can do to get a girl interested in him. 

Eye Contact: You know how important it is, but if your in the vast majority of the population you’re not doing it enough. Try staring at yourself in the mirror for a couple  minutes every morning. Not only will it enforce good habits, dedicating that time to it in the morning will also help you to keep it mind throughout the day.

Body Language: I’ll just hit the basics here because I could write 20 pages on the subject. Lean back. I promise you you’re probably leaning toward a girl far more than you realize. Don’t be afraid to make physical contact with another person and stay loose. Standing with your feet firmly positioned on the floor is a great way to loose her interest.

Vocal Tonality: You know you have to speak louder and more slowly. But also you have to speak with confidence. How many of your statements sound like questions? When you speak you should sound like a senior member of a company giving directions to a new staff member. Speak with authority.

Also, before you look for the next great line, remember that you can say “Hi, what’s your name” to a girl and it can mean 1000 different things. It can mean, “I don’t really care about your name. I’m just thinking about what to say next”, or, “I’m genuinely interested in finding out everything about you”, or, “I’m thinking about you naked right now”. Turning the conversation into a sexual one can be as simple as saying, “we should get another drink”.

Think about the effect the inflection you put on your words has. A simple thing said the right way can have a far more powerful impact than “the perfect response” said the wrong way. Plus, if your foundations are off the most witty response in the world won’t get the reaction you want.

I know that you’ve probably heard all of this before, however if you’re reading this right now there’s a very good chance you needed to hear it again. Get this stuff handled and watch women laugh at the dumbest jokes and become attracted to you after a conversation about paint drying.

Women are attracted to men who have a good sense of humor. I know you’ll be tempted but try not to give me too much credit for that groundbreaking discovery.

The problem with this breakthrough is that men will often hold themselves up to the highest standards of comedy when interacting with a woman. I’ve seen guys get in their head, searching for that perfect one-liner that will have all the ladies rolling around on the floor and clutching their sides in laughter. What often happens though, is that the women think he’s disconnected from the conversation while he’s wracking his brain, and when one of these golden zingers does pop up, the group’s not that into him, and instead of getting signed to a HBO special, he instead feels dejected because his very best efforts have just crashed and burned.

Guys, cut yourself some slack. Have you ever listened to a group of girls talking? It’s not exactly a slew of gut-busters being exchanged. In fact when a girl really genuinely makes me crack up, I’m surprised as much as I’m impressed.

And I’m not ripping in girls here. The point is that when two strangers begin talking, there’s already a bit of tension in the situation. Any little joke you make will then be amplified because of it. If you haven’t been in a coma for the past 20 years, you have a sense of humor. Instead of shooting for that perfect one-liner, all you have to do is inject a little bit of humor to break the tension.

Anyone trying too hard for anything will never be attractive. Realize that a lame joke said without much effort and with a smile is all you need to get her thinking, “this guy is funny”. Then, instead of searching the far reaches of your brain for the line that will bring you comedic fame, you can use your mind for far more important things, like actually listening to what she’s saying.

If I could make a list of thought leaders in this industry that have had the most influence on my development, Wayne “Juggler” Elise is definitely in the top 5. After beginning my education with The Game, Jugglers style and vibe were a breath of fresh air that added a entirely new dimension to my game. Anyone who knows my style knows that a more developed “Juggler barrier” plays a huge part in it. Also, the vacuum and statement-of-interest (SOI) were very innovative when they hit the industry. 

If you’ve ever exposed yourself to any of Wayne’s writing, you know that he relies heavily on typed out conversations to demonstrate his method. One of the major drawbacks of this that has been cited is that while the conversations provide an excellent example of what to say, the reasons why some of his lines work isn’t always made perfectly clear.

With that in mind, I decided to take a conversation that Juggler recently posted for free on his website and break down everything that’s happening step by step so that you can better implement his style into your own game. You can find the original post here so you can read it in its entirety. 

(I’ve bolded my comments for easier reading)

You: Excuse me, I can’t help but notice that you are unsatisfied with your fruitcake-pattern hoodie. I have to say that I’m surprised but happy for you.

What he does here is notices something interesting in the environment and makes a humorous comment on it. Of course you won’t always be in a situation where a beautiful woman is returning a quirky Christmas gift, but if you pay more attention to your surroundings, you’ll find a number of things to comment on. A simple exercise you can do to develop this  capacity is to stop several times a day, look around, and take note of 5 interesting things in your surroundings. You should try to look at life through the lens of a comedian and find humorous interpretations of these interesting things, or at the very least simply be able to comment on them in an interesting way. Most guys have this capacity already even if they don’t realize it. For example, if you see a girl carrying a suitcase. You can either say: “So, I see you have a suitcase”… not so interesting. Or, you can say, “I have to say, I’m ridiculously jealous of the fact that you’re going on vacation right now”. More interesting.

After noticing these interesting things share one or two of your observations with whoever is around you.

The second thing he does is share his personal feelings on the observation. This subtle move shows that he is high-status enough that his feelings carry enough value to be shared and expresses confidence.

Also, notice his opening the convo with a statement rather than a question. Classic Juggler.

Her: “Ha, hah ha.”

She found this observation extremely funny.

You: “I’ll trade you my Lance Armstrong tire repair kit. Or better yet, I got some Grandma cookies here somewhere.”

Juggler continues the initial joke with more humor and references to himself. This move not only showcases his wit but also frames both of them as having in common or something that they can both relate to.

Her: “Oh, I had too many of those lately.”

She responds favorably.

You: “Yeah, I can relate. I like that about you. You and I are the same. Who would have known. So I’m thinking of a New Year’s resolution. What’s yours going to be?”

Wayne strengthens the shared frame with his first line and then follows up with a classic Juggler SOI. The only thing is that the SOI here seems a bit un-calibrated. A woman should be complimented after she’s done something to deserve that compliment. Maybe her body language is screaming “I want you now” and that SOI would have been justified, but you really don’t get a sense of that from the script.

You can actually make something like this work though only with the correct vocal tonality. I’d probably leave out the “I like that about you” line but something along the lines of, “I can totally relate, I feel like you and I are like, the same person” when said in a very over-the-top, facetious tone of voice can work, although this really isn’t explained in the script.

He then breaks the thread and starts a new one with a somewhat related holiday question.

Her: “To finish law school.”

You: “Oh that’s a good one. I can hire you to sue grandma for the bad cookies. Seriously though, that’s cool. I think I would like being a lawyer. I’d feel kinda powerful. Like yeah, give me a speeding ticket, see what happens.”

He does a good job here. He first uses a bit of callback humor to a previous point in the conversation and then paints a vivid and entertaining picture of what he feels it would be like to be a lawyer.

The latter half is a great technique that you can work on if it’s not a part of you repertoire just yet. A simple exercise is what we call the best/worst exercise. Simply think of any occupation or other information that a woman can give you and come up with the best and worst case scenario of what that would look like and then paint as vivid of a picture of that as possible.

For example, she says she’s an artist.

Best scenario: Oh, so you must be incredibly creative. You’ll have to let me know when your next exhibit will be and I’ll be there to marvel at your genius.

Worst scenario: Oh, so you must spend most of your time cooped up in a poorly-lit apartment with a bottle of Jack then. I can see that as being fun.

The more of these you think though and have something for the more often you’ll have a creative and witty line to drop on the spot.

Her: “Haha, yeah it is good to know law for practical reasons. For instance, my professor says…”

You: “Hey, I like you. What are you doing after this?”

In the comment section he clears up the fact that he is not actually cutting the girl off here, but rather lets her finish saying whatever she’s saying before responding.

The SOI here is much better calibrated. In her response she is sharing something more personal about her life and is contributing a good deal to the conversation. Because she’s done that he takes advantage of a great time to reward her for it and escalate the interaction.

Her: “I’m meeting a friend for lunch.”

Burn

You: “Oh too bad, I thought it might be fun to sit down at the Starbucks over there and chat a bit more for five minutes. I like talking with you.”

Meh. After the recent SOI and her not reciprocating anything of the sort I wouldn’t have followed up with “I like talking to you”. The Starbucks thing is fine in that it’s confidently stating your intention, although I would probably go with something like, “That’s too bad, this is the best return-line conversation I’ve ever had, we have to continue it sometime”, and expressed nearly the same thing and added a bit of humor back into it rather than just the overkill, borderline-desperate SOI.

Her: “Are you hitting on me?”

You: “Maybe I am and maybe I’m not. It all depends on if you like it or not. And judging by your smile now I would say, yes I AM hitting on you. Sure that’s the ticket.”

“Sure, that’s the ticket”: If you have Juggler’s personality, you can use this all day. If you don’t, I’d probably stay from this one. Otherwise, the rest of it is a cute line that I would use anytime.

The line that I actually prefer here though is credited to Zan Parrion and that response is “Of course I’m hitting on you”. It’s just a whole other level of Juggler’s stuff.

Her: “Well, just to warn you I have a black belt in flirting defense. But yeah, let’s sit down for five minutes.”

Has anyone actually heard a girl say this?

You: “Excellent. What’s your name by the way?”

Her: “My name is Persimonia”

You: “Nice name. I’m impressed. My name is your name here. In the language of the old country it means, he who drinks hot chocolate through a straw.”

Great name exchange and another cute line to finish. You can steal this one or go for something along the lines of, “I’m Nick, it’s nice to meet you. Well, we’ve only got 5 minutes together so we had better take full advantage of it.

At a high level, Juggler’s only fault in this interaction is the fact that he is almost “trapped” in his Juggler method framework and forced to rely too heavily on the SOI and use it in situations where it wouldn’t be warranted. Will this work on some girls? Absolutely. Will it creep other girls out? Absolutely.

Finally, one other point that was never mentioned: In order to make this or any conversation a successful one, you must carry great eye contact, body language, and vocal tonality. If you’re lacking those elements, those ‘ha ha’s from her will turn into weird looks and polite nodding.

Thank you again to Juggler for the great conversation and good luck to everyone else using some of this stuff in the future.

Cheers

Find a nice girl and settle down: This classic American ideal is one that many men strive for as they navigate the often treacherous path of single-hood. Other men, however, would prefer the company of more than one woman, and strive to hold multiple long term relationships.

Even if you’re a guy who is simply looking for the ‘one’, I believe it is both healthy and efficient to experiment with the MLTR model for yourself. For starters, would you rather look into your love’s eyes and say that you haven’t dated that many women, and based on your limited experience you think she’s the best for you, or would you prefer to look at her and tell her in all honesty that you’ve seen everything that’s out there and you know beyond a shadow of a doubt that she is in fact the most amazing woman in the world? Also, there’s roughly three billion women on this planet. If you’re trying to find the woman of your dreams, you’re only increasing your chances of doing so by dating as many of them as possible.

Whatever your personal feelings are on the matter, if MLTRs is what you’re after, there’s a right way to go about it and a wrong way. This weekend we are blessed to have David, The Asian Rake joining us in New York, and him and I had a chance to discuss this topic and from that discussion, I’ve constructed the seven laws of having multiple long term relationships.

Law I: Honesty Really is the Best Policy 

I know a-lot of self professed “players” who tell more than one woman that they’re the only one and then brag about how many girls they have “lined up”. If you’re a used car salesman and make tons of sales by telling people they’re getting a quality automobile when you know that it will break down in the next month, no one will say that you’re an amazing salesmen- just that you’re an excellent con-artist.

Anyone can get a woman by lying to them, and I would say that you’re good at a lot of things- but attracting women isn’t one of them.

Always be extremely up-front about your intentions to women. Will some girls want a man who will commit? Of course, but there are many women who will be completely fine with the situation as long as you are honest and confident in your decision. Besides, no one wants a scorned ex hunting them down because they believed they were the only girl when in fact they weren’t.

Law II: The First One is Always the Hardest 

Women can smell neediness a mile away, and trust me, it is never attractive. If it’s been awhile since the last time you felt the warm touch of a woman, there’s a very good chance that you’re signaling that to the women you’re meeting in some way shape or form.

Don’t fret though. All you need is the company of one wonderful woman to melt this neediness away. After that, every other woman you meet will not get a whiff of any neediness, and will likewise be that much more attracted to you.

Make sure to follow Law I with your first female companion, and it won’t be long until the 2nd, 3rd, and 4th follow.

Law III: It’s All About Her

Right along side of neediness on the unattractive list is selfishness. If you’re looking for MLTR’s merely to make yourself feel good or worse, to have something to brag about, don’t be surprised if the women in your life are repulsed by you. 

Every relationship in your life should come with mutual benefit. Your main goal should be to enhance the lives of the women you’re with. Deliver as much fun, passion, excitement, and love at every woman in your life, and you can be rest assured that you’ll receive it back ten-fold

Law IV: Love Women

This sounds simple and anyone who’s followed our work at The Social Man has heard it, however I simply can’t stress it enough. Many men are looking for more “notches in the belt” because they’ve been hurt in the past and want to take it out on every woman they come into contact with.

Keep this in mind though, karma’s a bitch. If you’ve hurt woman after woman on your personal revenge mission, I won’t hesitate to say “I told you so” when you have that empty feeling inside and scratch your head wondering why it’s the case. Christian actually just wrote this amazing post on the topic which I strongly recommend.

Instead, take a genuine care for the women that you date and always consider her feelings when making a decision. Yes, this even means that if a woman will be hurt if you sleep with her you shouldn’t do it. When women see the way you truly care don’t be surprised when even more of them are knocking on your door.

Law V: Be Strong

Even after you’ve been honest and a woman that you’re dating says that she’s comfortable with your lifestyle decision, she will still occasionally become upset when the topic rears it’s head. First of all this is completely natural and understandable, furthermore, this serves as a test.

She subconsciously wants to know if you are truly firm in your decision, or if it is a weak one. When this happens, do not get defensive or upset. Instead, calmly tell her that you understand where she’s coming from but stand strong in your decision. If she was simply testing you, this episode will pass. If she’s genuinely unhappy with the situation and her sour mood persists, then see Law IV.

Law VI: Don’t Act Jealous

It would be ridiculously selfish to want MLTRs and not be comfortable with her doing the same. While it is natural to feel jealous if she is intimate with another man, showing that jealousy will only show your own insecurity and weakness in your lifestyle beliefs.

Encourage her to go out and date other men. Not only will that make her more comfortable with the boundaries of her relationship with you, but it’s only fair. If she decides that she prefers the exclusive company of another man to your relationship, genuinely wish her the best and continue dating the other amazing women in your life.

Law VII: Appreciation and Curiosity Are Your Driving Force

As I previously mentioned, there’s roughly three billion women on this planet, and the best part about them is that each one of them is different. Every woman is like a gift box. You never know what lies inside until you open the box- no pun intended. Every woman has quirks, talents, and a wealth of personal value that one can only discover by getting to know her on a personal level- romantically or otherwise. 

It’s this infinite amount of possibilities that should drive your curiosity and if you find that you’re attracted to one of them because of the wealth of value they possess, it’s amazing to explore that attraction.

Women are an amazing gift to men and fully enjoying that gift can only be accomplished with altruistic curiosity, mutual respect, and genuine care. Enjoy the women in your life and make them lucky to have you in theirs.

It’s always one of the biggest pieces of advice you hear: If you want to get better, you have to practice. You have to go out and actually talk to girls if you want to get better at interacting and attracting them.

The problem with this advice is that not everyone can go out every night of the week. Furthermore, even when you do go out, there’s a limited number women who you actually find attractive to talk to, and because of these limitations, it’s only natural that you’d get a bit more nervous because you don’t want to ’screw up’ one of those precious few opportunities that you do have.

Don’t get me wrong, I will never underscore the importance of actual human interaction in the learning process, however most men are forgetting a resource that we all have immediate access to. This resource can give a man access to more interactions with beautiful women than he ever dreamed of- and this resource is his mind.

When I was teaching myself the art of social interaction with women, I definitely went out more than the vast majority of men; however, when I wasn’t actually speaking to a woman I was going over interaction after interaction in my head.

It may not at first sound like the most ground-breaking advice, but I can’t express enough the tremendous impact this had on my personal development.

When I started out, it was very rare that my attempts at talking to new women would go well. Instead of blocking these memories from my thoughts like bad dreams, I instead obsessed over them. I would break down everything that happened in my head and then imagined myself responding the way I should have.

After breaking these failed interactions I would start brand new interactions with other women or groups of women and think of what they might say to me, then apply what I had learned to come up with the best possible response. I though about it so much that those interactions would follow me into my dreams where I would respond back to those women while I slept.

As time passed and I thought about this stuff more and more, the man in my head who always knew the right thing to say slowly became the man who would actually go out and talk to women in real-life situations.

Now when I go out and interact with women, I don’t even have to think about how to respond in any situation that arises because I’ve already done it thousands of times in my mind. In those few instances where I get thrown a curve ball that I wasn’t expecting, you can be sure that I’ll be contemplating it heavily until I have the perfect response the next time that situation arises.

Do not underestimate the power of this. The top professional athletes have gone on record as saying they always envision themselves performing before a big event. Take advantage of the tremendous opportunity you have to hone every aspect of your interactions so the next time a girl asks you a question you’ll know exactly how to answer it because you’ve already rocked the question a thousand times before.

Have you been in the community for awhile and just not seen the results you originally wanted?

Have you put your faith in this stuff and not received the benefit that you were originally promised?

Do you feel like you have everything except for that one missing piece that you know would make everything click for you?

Are you new to all of this and are trying to fight through the huge over-abundance of information out there while trying to figure out what the answer really is? 

If any of these statements are things that you’ve found yourself thinking about I’m here to tell you that you’re far from being alone, and also there’s a very good reason why you haven’t yet found the answers you’ve been looking for.

It wasn’t so long ago that men were in the Dark Ages. For as long as we could remember we knew exactly what to do. Be strong, act like a man, and women would be attracted to you. Simple enough.

Then came the feminist revolution in the latter half of the 20th century and the the rules that we played by for so long got turned on their head. Apparently, women no longer wanted a strong, masculine man, but wanted a man who was in touch with his feelings, who was sensitive, and who allowed a woman to take a more masculine role in the relationship.

Inspired by men’s eternal desire to attract women, we rushed to fill this new ideal of what we were told was attractive. Men stayed at home, abandoned their more masculine impulses, and sobbed on our woman’s shoulder as we asked what we could possibly do to please her.

This led to women, in a large part, to reject what men had become. Women were lost and scratching their own heads. They had what they had been told they wanted and were unfulfilled; crying out for that masculine man that had seeming disappeared from their lives.

Men were stuck in the middle, in the sexual dark ages. On one hand, we were told that it was the nice, sensitive guy who got the girl, on the other hand, we witnessed more masculine, aggressive men actually getting the girl while we had no idea how to actually do it ourselves. We had no idea what it was that women wanted, largely because the sources we trusted for telling us what women wanted had no idea themselves.

Then came thought leaders who carried forth a light to illuminate these dark times. First, it was Ross Jefferies carving out his own creepy niche for men looking for answers. Then, more recently, came a beacon for men in the form of Mystery, David DeAngelo, Neil Strauss, Wayne Elise, and other similar characters.

Suddenly the world of women could be understood by men once again. Where before existed only confusion and a sense of apathy, now we had guidance. Men now had leaders who they could follow out of the darkness and had a movement which could provide them the answers and platform for further growth and development. This movement has taken form into what we now refer to as “the community”, and through the ingenuity and success of those early pioneers, has become an industry with countless resources for the even larger and growing body of men with questions.

Many men came into this arena because they wanted to “get laid” but, like myself, we found that mindset to be a limiting one that was holding us back from actually achieving that goal, and that what most of us were really searching for was a more fulfilling life that had amazing women in it; playing either a sexual role or otherwise.

Because of the community, we have stepped forward. We now understand what it is that women are attracted to and hundreds of thousands of men who had once considered themselves to be hopeless now could approach women and get their attraction.

The community and the ideas that became the foundation of it were developed based on the current state of men. For men who lived in the dark ages, ideas such as Mystery’s M-3 model were exactly what we needed to move forward. Attract, build comfort, and seduce. This structure is now so ingrained into the community that just about every “new” contribution is almost instinctively set within this framework.

As we have progressed, however, this venerable model has shown it’s age, and more importantly, its limitations.

Where once men scratched their heads wondering what women wanted, they now scratch their heads as the “openers” and “routines” that are successful on a hit-or-miss basis are single and hitting the streets weekend after weekend wondering what the missing piece is.

Where once men couldn’t get a woman attracted to them to save their lives, now wonder where they made a wrong turn when women who appeared to be interested in them for a moment are now turning their back on them to find another guy.

The vast majority of advice in the community is based on starting conversations and getting attraction, however once we do that the resources for what to do next are sparse and in some ways, just as cryptic as the messages men previously received on what was attractive in the first place.

Half the time, men turn to the largest abundance of advice out there to solve this problem and continue with all of the attraction building advice until her initial interest wanes and he’s left to try again. It’s not surprising for a women who displayed interest in a man to withdraw it after she sees no change or reaction to her initial interest.

The other half of the time, men turn to the M-3 model and determine that after he is sure that he has attraction, he should start to build comfort. Unless he “gets lucky” and she makes getting sexual easy, because of the dearth of further advice out there, this usually results in a man switching to a comfortable platonic conversation while any sexual tension that was there to begin with slowly dies away.

The fact is that the guy didn’t do anything wrong. He simply did the very best with the information he had available to him. The community, founded in the dark ages and influenced by the state of men during that time period simply doesn’t offer the tools necessary for men to make the next and final steps on the path to their own personal development. While some of us were able to figure this out on our own and get this portion of our lives handled once and for all despite the community’s shortcomings, far too many men are still scratching their heads, wondering what they’re doing wrong and we now must move past the community as we know it if we are to reclaim our rightful position in society as men.

We must build upon the foundation laid by the community in regards to attraction and open our understanding of it to include everything that is attractive to women, not simply what you say or whether or not you have a woman on your arm when you enter a bar.

We must develop conversational skills so that we can talk to anyone, anywhere, anytime, and not just fall on some routine that will keep a conversation going once in awhile until she realizes there’s nothing behind it.

We have to better recognize when a woman is attracted to us, have a more complete idea of where to take the interaction from there and know exactly how to get sexual tension growing so that our interactions don’t get cut off by her lost interest or end up as a nice non-sexual exchange of information.

Of course we must cherish the advancements made from the dark ages and recognize them for their importance, however if we are to take that next step, we must ultimately cast aside the outdated structure for seduction that the community gives us, and replace it with a new mindset and direction that has been built by analyzing both the successes and shortcomings of the men who have come before us.

We will do it. The masculine force has been suppressed and confused for too long. By continuing to join together as we have, we will evolve back to our rightful place as men and give women the gift that has been missing from their lives. As long as we have the continued leadership guiding us in the right direction, the number of us who become the men that women want and men envy will not be those limited few who figured things out on their own. That number will surge until one day there will no longer be a need for any community in this respect, and the leaders who took us there will be regarded in the same high regard as them men who allowed us to take out first step out of the darkness.

As men, we will take the final steps necessary to complete our journey and take comfort in our greatest source of support: The fact that we are all in this together.

More thoughts on this to follow shortly…