The Seven Laws of Multiple Long Term Relationships
December 18, 2008
Find a nice girl and settle down: This classic American ideal is one that many men strive for as they navigate the often treacherous path of single-hood. Other men, however, would prefer the company of more than one woman, and strive to hold multiple long term relationships.
Even if you’re a guy who is simply looking for the ‘one’, I believe it is both healthy and efficient to experiment with the MLTR model for yourself. For starters, would you rather look into your love’s eyes and say that you haven’t dated that many women, and based on your limited experience you think she’s the best for you, or would you prefer to look at her and tell her in all honesty that you’ve seen everything that’s out there and you know beyond a shadow of a doubt that she is in fact the most amazing woman in the world? Also, there’s roughly three billion women on this planet. If you’re trying to find the woman of your dreams, you’re only increasing your chances of doing so by dating as many of them as possible.
Whatever your personal feelings are on the matter, if MLTRs is what you’re after, there’s a right way to go about it and a wrong way. This weekend we are blessed to have David, The Asian Rake joining us in New York, and him and I had a chance to discuss this topic and from that discussion, I’ve constructed the seven laws of having multiple long term relationships.
Law I: Honesty Really is the Best Policy
I know a-lot of self professed “players” who tell more than one woman that they’re the only one and then brag about how many girls they have “lined up”. If you’re a used car salesman and make tons of sales by telling people they’re getting a quality automobile when you know that it will break down in the next month, no one will say that you’re an amazing salesmen- just that you’re an excellent con-artist.
Anyone can get a woman by lying to them, and I would say that you’re good at a lot of things- but attracting women isn’t one of them.
Always be extremely up-front about your intentions to women. Will some girls want a man who will commit? Of course, but there are many women who will be completely fine with the situation as long as you are honest and confident in your decision. Besides, no one wants a scorned ex hunting them down because they believed they were the only girl when in fact they weren’t.
Law II: The First One is Always the Hardest
Women can smell neediness a mile away, and trust me, it is never attractive. If it’s been awhile since the last time you felt the warm touch of a woman, there’s a very good chance that you’re signaling that to the women you’re meeting in some way shape or form.
Don’t fret though. All you need is the company of one wonderful woman to melt this neediness away. After that, every other woman you meet will not get a whiff of any neediness, and will likewise be that much more attracted to you.
Make sure to follow Law I with your first female companion, and it won’t be long until the 2nd, 3rd, and 4th follow.
Law III: It’s All About Her
Right along side of neediness on the unattractive list is selfishness. If you’re looking for MLTR’s merely to make yourself feel good or worse, to have something to brag about, don’t be surprised if the women in your life are repulsed by you.
Every relationship in your life should come with mutual benefit. Your main goal should be to enhance the lives of the women you’re with. Deliver as much fun, passion, excitement, and love at every woman in your life, and you can be rest assured that you’ll receive it back ten-fold
Law IV: Love Women
This sounds simple and anyone who’s followed our work at The Social Man has heard it, however I simply can’t stress it enough. Many men are looking for more “notches in the belt” because they’ve been hurt in the past and want to take it out on every woman they come into contact with.
Keep this in mind though, karma’s a bitch. If you’ve hurt woman after woman on your personal revenge mission, I won’t hesitate to say “I told you so” when you have that empty feeling inside and scratch your head wondering why it’s the case. Christian actually just wrote this amazing post on the topic which I strongly recommend.
Instead, take a genuine care for the women that you date and always consider her feelings when making a decision. Yes, this even means that if a woman will be hurt if you sleep with her you shouldn’t do it. When women see the way you truly care don’t be surprised when even more of them are knocking on your door.
Law V: Be Strong
Even after you’ve been honest and a woman that you’re dating says that she’s comfortable with your lifestyle decision, she will still occasionally become upset when the topic rears it’s head. First of all this is completely natural and understandable, furthermore, this serves as a test.
She subconsciously wants to know if you are truly firm in your decision, or if it is a weak one. When this happens, do not get defensive or upset. Instead, calmly tell her that you understand where she’s coming from but stand strong in your decision. If she was simply testing you, this episode will pass. If she’s genuinely unhappy with the situation and her sour mood persists, then see Law IV.
Law VI: Don’t Act Jealous
It would be ridiculously selfish to want MLTRs and not be comfortable with her doing the same. While it is natural to feel jealous if she is intimate with another man, showing that jealousy will only show your own insecurity and weakness in your lifestyle beliefs.
Encourage her to go out and date other men. Not only will that make her more comfortable with the boundaries of her relationship with you, but it’s only fair. If she decides that she prefers the exclusive company of another man to your relationship, genuinely wish her the best and continue dating the other amazing women in your life.
Law VII: Appreciation and Curiosity Are Your Driving Force
As I previously mentioned, there’s roughly three billion women on this planet, and the best part about them is that each one of them is different. Every woman is like a gift box. You never know what lies inside until you open the box- no pun intended. Every woman has quirks, talents, and a wealth of personal value that one can only discover by getting to know her on a personal level- romantically or otherwise.
It’s this infinite amount of possibilities that should drive your curiosity and if you find that you’re attracted to one of them because of the wealth of value they possess, it’s amazing to explore that attraction.
Women are an amazing gift to men and fully enjoying that gift can only be accomplished with altruistic curiosity, mutual respect, and genuine care. Enjoy the women in your life and make them lucky to have you in theirs.
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5 Responses to “The Seven Laws of Multiple Long Term Relationships”
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The Seven Laws of Multiple Long Term Relationships…
Many men want MLTRs but unfortunately make mistakes along the way. Here is your bible for MLTRs so you have the full success with them that you want….
Man thats a nice post.
And following each one of the laws mentioned here will surely make a man hold his head high.
Anyone can brag about the number of girls they are dating… It takes a real man to be proud of doing that.
Thanks bro.
Awesome post Nick. Thanks for the solid advice.
Bill B
Damn. I had everything down except “Law III: It’s All About Her.” It’s difficult to convince the girl into your lifestyle. So if it’s not her thing, then I guess it’s not possible to convince her into becoming an MLTR.
Thanks for the advice Nick!
Will, if you look at it as trying to “convince” someone, you are setting yourself up for an unsatisfactory relationship. Some women will say “no” when offered the opportunity for an MLTR, and there is no problem with that. Everyone is looking for different things in life. Since you are the prize, you should be ready to take this in stride and move on.
I do think, however, that if you approach the issue with a generosity of spirit and respect for your fellow humans, you’ll find that there are lots of women out there who are entirely OK with MLTR.
Cheers,
–Will C.