Find a nice girl and settle down: This classic American ideal is one that many men strive for as they navigate the often treacherous path of single-hood. Other men, however, would prefer the company of more than one woman, and strive to hold multiple long term relationships.

Even if you’re a guy who is simply looking for the ‘one’, I believe it is both healthy and efficient to experiment with the MLTR model for yourself. For starters, would you rather look into your love’s eyes and say that you haven’t dated that many women, and based on your limited experience you think she’s the best for you, or would you prefer to look at her and tell her in all honesty that you’ve seen everything that’s out there and you know beyond a shadow of a doubt that she is in fact the most amazing woman in the world? Also, there’s roughly three billion women on this planet. If you’re trying to find the woman of your dreams, you’re only increasing your chances of doing so by dating as many of them as possible.

Whatever your personal feelings are on the matter, if MLTRs is what you’re after, there’s a right way to go about it and a wrong way. This weekend we are blessed to have David, The Asian Rake joining us in New York, and him and I had a chance to discuss this topic and from that discussion, I’ve constructed the seven laws of having multiple long term relationships.

Law I: Honesty Really is the Best Policy 

I know a-lot of self professed “players” who tell more than one woman that they’re the only one and then brag about how many girls they have “lined up”. If you’re a used car salesman and make tons of sales by telling people they’re getting a quality automobile when you know that it will break down in the next month, no one will say that you’re an amazing salesmen- just that you’re an excellent con-artist.

Anyone can get a woman by lying to them, and I would say that you’re good at a lot of things- but attracting women isn’t one of them.

Always be extremely up-front about your intentions to women. Will some girls want a man who will commit? Of course, but there are many women who will be completely fine with the situation as long as you are honest and confident in your decision. Besides, no one wants a scorned ex hunting them down because they believed they were the only girl when in fact they weren’t.

Law II: The First One is Always the Hardest 

Women can smell neediness a mile away, and trust me, it is never attractive. If it’s been awhile since the last time you felt the warm touch of a woman, there’s a very good chance that you’re signaling that to the women you’re meeting in some way shape or form.

Don’t fret though. All you need is the company of one wonderful woman to melt this neediness away. After that, every other woman you meet will not get a whiff of any neediness, and will likewise be that much more attracted to you.

Make sure to follow Law I with your first female companion, and it won’t be long until the 2nd, 3rd, and 4th follow.

Law III: It’s All About Her

Right along side of neediness on the unattractive list is selfishness. If you’re looking for MLTR’s merely to make yourself feel good or worse, to have something to brag about, don’t be surprised if the women in your life are repulsed by you. 

Every relationship in your life should come with mutual benefit. Your main goal should be to enhance the lives of the women you’re with. Deliver as much fun, passion, excitement, and love at every woman in your life, and you can be rest assured that you’ll receive it back ten-fold

Law IV: Love Women

This sounds simple and anyone who’s followed our work at The Social Man has heard it, however I simply can’t stress it enough. Many men are looking for more “notches in the belt” because they’ve been hurt in the past and want to take it out on every woman they come into contact with.

Keep this in mind though, karma’s a bitch. If you’ve hurt woman after woman on your personal revenge mission, I won’t hesitate to say “I told you so” when you have that empty feeling inside and scratch your head wondering why it’s the case. Christian actually just wrote this amazing post on the topic which I strongly recommend.

Instead, take a genuine care for the women that you date and always consider her feelings when making a decision. Yes, this even means that if a woman will be hurt if you sleep with her you shouldn’t do it. When women see the way you truly care don’t be surprised when even more of them are knocking on your door.

Law V: Be Strong

Even after you’ve been honest and a woman that you’re dating says that she’s comfortable with your lifestyle decision, she will still occasionally become upset when the topic rears it’s head. First of all this is completely natural and understandable, furthermore, this serves as a test.

She subconsciously wants to know if you are truly firm in your decision, or if it is a weak one. When this happens, do not get defensive or upset. Instead, calmly tell her that you understand where she’s coming from but stand strong in your decision. If she was simply testing you, this episode will pass. If she’s genuinely unhappy with the situation and her sour mood persists, then see Law IV.

Law VI: Don’t Act Jealous

It would be ridiculously selfish to want MLTRs and not be comfortable with her doing the same. While it is natural to feel jealous if she is intimate with another man, showing that jealousy will only show your own insecurity and weakness in your lifestyle beliefs.

Encourage her to go out and date other men. Not only will that make her more comfortable with the boundaries of her relationship with you, but it’s only fair. If she decides that she prefers the exclusive company of another man to your relationship, genuinely wish her the best and continue dating the other amazing women in your life.

Law VII: Appreciation and Curiosity Are Your Driving Force

As I previously mentioned, there’s roughly three billion women on this planet, and the best part about them is that each one of them is different. Every woman is like a gift box. You never know what lies inside until you open the box- no pun intended. Every woman has quirks, talents, and a wealth of personal value that one can only discover by getting to know her on a personal level- romantically or otherwise. 

It’s this infinite amount of possibilities that should drive your curiosity and if you find that you’re attracted to one of them because of the wealth of value they possess, it’s amazing to explore that attraction.

Women are an amazing gift to men and fully enjoying that gift can only be accomplished with altruistic curiosity, mutual respect, and genuine care. Enjoy the women in your life and make them lucky to have you in theirs.

It’s always one of the biggest pieces of advice you hear: If you want to get better, you have to practice. You have to go out and actually talk to girls if you want to get better at interacting and attracting them.

The problem with this advice is that not everyone can go out every night of the week. Furthermore, even when you do go out, there’s a limited number women who you actually find attractive to talk to, and because of these limitations, it’s only natural that you’d get a bit more nervous because you don’t want to ’screw up’ one of those precious few opportunities that you do have.

Don’t get me wrong, I will never underscore the importance of actual human interaction in the learning process, however most men are forgetting a resource that we all have immediate access to. This resource can give a man access to more interactions with beautiful women than he ever dreamed of- and this resource is his mind.

When I was teaching myself the art of social interaction with women, I definitely went out more than the vast majority of men; however, when I wasn’t actually speaking to a woman I was going over interaction after interaction in my head.

It may not at first sound like the most ground-breaking advice, but I can’t express enough the tremendous impact this had on my personal development.

When I started out, it was very rare that my attempts at talking to new women would go well. Instead of blocking these memories from my thoughts like bad dreams, I instead obsessed over them. I would break down everything that happened in my head and then imagined myself responding the way I should have.

After breaking these failed interactions I would start brand new interactions with other women or groups of women and think of what they might say to me, then apply what I had learned to come up with the best possible response. I though about it so much that those interactions would follow me into my dreams where I would respond back to those women while I slept.

As time passed and I thought about this stuff more and more, the man in my head who always knew the right thing to say slowly became the man who would actually go out and talk to women in real-life situations.

Now when I go out and interact with women, I don’t even have to think about how to respond in any situation that arises because I’ve already done it thousands of times in my mind. In those few instances where I get thrown a curve ball that I wasn’t expecting, you can be sure that I’ll be contemplating it heavily until I have the perfect response the next time that situation arises.

Do not underestimate the power of this. The top professional athletes have gone on record as saying they always envision themselves performing before a big event. Take advantage of the tremendous opportunity you have to hone every aspect of your interactions so the next time a girl asks you a question you’ll know exactly how to answer it because you’ve already rocked the question a thousand times before.

Have you been in the community for awhile and just not seen the results you originally wanted?

Have you put your faith in this stuff and not received the benefit that you were originally promised?

Do you feel like you have everything except for that one missing piece that you know would make everything click for you?

Are you new to all of this and are trying to fight through the huge over-abundance of information out there while trying to figure out what the answer really is? 

If any of these statements are things that you’ve found yourself thinking about I’m here to tell you that you’re far from being alone, and also there’s a very good reason why you haven’t yet found the answers you’ve been looking for.

It wasn’t so long ago that men were in the Dark Ages. For as long as we could remember we knew exactly what to do. Be strong, act like a man, and women would be attracted to you. Simple enough.

Then came the feminist revolution in the latter half of the 20th century and the the rules that we played by for so long got turned on their head. Apparently, women no longer wanted a strong, masculine man, but wanted a man who was in touch with his feelings, who was sensitive, and who allowed a woman to take a more masculine role in the relationship.

Inspired by men’s eternal desire to attract women, we rushed to fill this new ideal of what we were told was attractive. Men stayed at home, abandoned their more masculine impulses, and sobbed on our woman’s shoulder as we asked what we could possibly do to please her.

This led to women, in a large part, to reject what men had become. Women were lost and scratching their own heads. They had what they had been told they wanted and were unfulfilled; crying out for that masculine man that had seeming disappeared from their lives.

Men were stuck in the middle, in the sexual dark ages. On one hand, we were told that it was the nice, sensitive guy who got the girl, on the other hand, we witnessed more masculine, aggressive men actually getting the girl while we had no idea how to actually do it ourselves. We had no idea what it was that women wanted, largely because the sources we trusted for telling us what women wanted had no idea themselves.

Then came thought leaders who carried forth a light to illuminate these dark times. First, it was Ross Jefferies carving out his own creepy niche for men looking for answers. Then, more recently, came a beacon for men in the form of Mystery, David DeAngelo, Neil Strauss, Wayne Elise, and other similar characters.

Suddenly the world of women could be understood by men once again. Where before existed only confusion and a sense of apathy, now we had guidance. Men now had leaders who they could follow out of the darkness and had a movement which could provide them the answers and platform for further growth and development. This movement has taken form into what we now refer to as “the community”, and through the ingenuity and success of those early pioneers, has become an industry with countless resources for the even larger and growing body of men with questions.

Many men came into this arena because they wanted to “get laid” but, like myself, we found that mindset to be a limiting one that was holding us back from actually achieving that goal, and that what most of us were really searching for was a more fulfilling life that had amazing women in it; playing either a sexual role or otherwise.

Because of the community, we have stepped forward. We now understand what it is that women are attracted to and hundreds of thousands of men who had once considered themselves to be hopeless now could approach women and get their attraction.

The community and the ideas that became the foundation of it were developed based on the current state of men. For men who lived in the dark ages, ideas such as Mystery’s M-3 model were exactly what we needed to move forward. Attract, build comfort, and seduce. This structure is now so ingrained into the community that just about every “new” contribution is almost instinctively set within this framework.

As we have progressed, however, this venerable model has shown it’s age, and more importantly, its limitations.

Where once men scratched their heads wondering what women wanted, they now scratch their heads as the “openers” and “routines” that are successful on a hit-or-miss basis are single and hitting the streets weekend after weekend wondering what the missing piece is.

Where once men couldn’t get a woman attracted to them to save their lives, now wonder where they made a wrong turn when women who appeared to be interested in them for a moment are now turning their back on them to find another guy.

The vast majority of advice in the community is based on starting conversations and getting attraction, however once we do that the resources for what to do next are sparse and in some ways, just as cryptic as the messages men previously received on what was attractive in the first place.

Half the time, men turn to the largest abundance of advice out there to solve this problem and continue with all of the attraction building advice until her initial interest wanes and he’s left to try again. It’s not surprising for a women who displayed interest in a man to withdraw it after she sees no change or reaction to her initial interest.

The other half of the time, men turn to the M-3 model and determine that after he is sure that he has attraction, he should start to build comfort. Unless he “gets lucky” and she makes getting sexual easy, because of the dearth of further advice out there, this usually results in a man switching to a comfortable platonic conversation while any sexual tension that was there to begin with slowly dies away.

The fact is that the guy didn’t do anything wrong. He simply did the very best with the information he had available to him. The community, founded in the dark ages and influenced by the state of men during that time period simply doesn’t offer the tools necessary for men to make the next and final steps on the path to their own personal development. While some of us were able to figure this out on our own and get this portion of our lives handled once and for all despite the community’s shortcomings, far too many men are still scratching their heads, wondering what they’re doing wrong and we now must move past the community as we know it if we are to reclaim our rightful position in society as men.

We must build upon the foundation laid by the community in regards to attraction and open our understanding of it to include everything that is attractive to women, not simply what you say or whether or not you have a woman on your arm when you enter a bar.

We must develop conversational skills so that we can talk to anyone, anywhere, anytime, and not just fall on some routine that will keep a conversation going once in awhile until she realizes there’s nothing behind it.

We have to better recognize when a woman is attracted to us, have a more complete idea of where to take the interaction from there and know exactly how to get sexual tension growing so that our interactions don’t get cut off by her lost interest or end up as a nice non-sexual exchange of information.

Of course we must cherish the advancements made from the dark ages and recognize them for their importance, however if we are to take that next step, we must ultimately cast aside the outdated structure for seduction that the community gives us, and replace it with a new mindset and direction that has been built by analyzing both the successes and shortcomings of the men who have come before us.

We will do it. The masculine force has been suppressed and confused for too long. By continuing to join together as we have, we will evolve back to our rightful place as men and give women the gift that has been missing from their lives. As long as we have the continued leadership guiding us in the right direction, the number of us who become the men that women want and men envy will not be those limited few who figured things out on their own. That number will surge until one day there will no longer be a need for any community in this respect, and the leaders who took us there will be regarded in the same high regard as them men who allowed us to take out first step out of the darkness.

As men, we will take the final steps necessary to complete our journey and take comfort in our greatest source of support: The fact that we are all in this together.

More thoughts on this to follow shortly…