I’ve been working as a social and dating coach for a little over a year now (time flies) and have been lucky to work with a large number of really great guys. There is one thing that I have to coach guys on again and again that always has a dramatic effect on their interactions with women. It’s not an opening line, nor their conversation skill. It’s simply their fundamentals: eye contact, body language, and vocal tonality.

I see these issues time and time again. If a guy has them down, then the rest of my job is easy. If he doesn’t, then there is nothing he can do to get a girl interested in him. 

Eye Contact: You know how important it is, but if your in the vast majority of the population you’re not doing it enough. Try staring at yourself in the mirror for a couple  minutes every morning. Not only will it enforce good habits, dedicating that time to it in the morning will also help you to keep it mind throughout the day.

Body Language: I’ll just hit the basics here because I could write 20 pages on the subject. Lean back. I promise you you’re probably leaning toward a girl far more than you realize. Don’t be afraid to make physical contact with another person and stay loose. Standing with your feet firmly positioned on the floor is a great way to loose her interest.

Vocal Tonality: You know you have to speak louder and more slowly. But also you have to speak with confidence. How many of your statements sound like questions? When you speak you should sound like a senior member of a company giving directions to a new staff member. Speak with authority.

Also, before you look for the next great line, remember that you can say “Hi, what’s your name” to a girl and it can mean 1000 different things. It can mean, “I don’t really care about your name. I’m just thinking about what to say next”, or, “I’m genuinely interested in finding out everything about you”, or, “I’m thinking about you naked right now”. Turning the conversation into a sexual one can be as simple as saying, “we should get another drink”.

Think about the effect the inflection you put on your words has. A simple thing said the right way can have a far more powerful impact than “the perfect response” said the wrong way. Plus, if your foundations are off the most witty response in the world won’t get the reaction you want.

I know that you’ve probably heard all of this before, however if you’re reading this right now there’s a very good chance you needed to hear it again. Get this stuff handled and watch women laugh at the dumbest jokes and become attracted to you after a conversation about paint drying.

Women are attracted to men who have a good sense of humor. I know you’ll be tempted but try not to give me too much credit for that groundbreaking discovery.

The problem with this breakthrough is that men will often hold themselves up to the highest standards of comedy when interacting with a woman. I’ve seen guys get in their head, searching for that perfect one-liner that will have all the ladies rolling around on the floor and clutching their sides in laughter. What often happens though, is that the women think he’s disconnected from the conversation while he’s wracking his brain, and when one of these golden zingers does pop up, the group’s not that into him, and instead of getting signed to a HBO special, he instead feels dejected because his very best efforts have just crashed and burned.

Guys, cut yourself some slack. Have you ever listened to a group of girls talking? It’s not exactly a slew of gut-busters being exchanged. In fact when a girl really genuinely makes me crack up, I’m surprised as much as I’m impressed.

And I’m not ripping in girls here. The point is that when two strangers begin talking, there’s already a bit of tension in the situation. Any little joke you make will then be amplified because of it. If you haven’t been in a coma for the past 20 years, you have a sense of humor. Instead of shooting for that perfect one-liner, all you have to do is inject a little bit of humor to break the tension.

Anyone trying too hard for anything will never be attractive. Realize that a lame joke said without much effort and with a smile is all you need to get her thinking, “this guy is funny”. Then, instead of searching the far reaches of your brain for the line that will bring you comedic fame, you can use your mind for far more important things, like actually listening to what she’s saying.

If I could make a list of thought leaders in this industry that have had the most influence on my development, Wayne “Juggler” Elise is definitely in the top 5. After beginning my education with The Game, Jugglers style and vibe were a breath of fresh air that added a entirely new dimension to my game. Anyone who knows my style knows that a more developed “Juggler barrier” plays a huge part in it. Also, the vacuum and statement-of-interest (SOI) were very innovative when they hit the industry. 

If you’ve ever exposed yourself to any of Wayne’s writing, you know that he relies heavily on typed out conversations to demonstrate his method. One of the major drawbacks of this that has been cited is that while the conversations provide an excellent example of what to say, the reasons why some of his lines work isn’t always made perfectly clear.

With that in mind, I decided to take a conversation that Juggler recently posted for free on his website and break down everything that’s happening step by step so that you can better implement his style into your own game. You can find the original post here so you can read it in its entirety. 

(I’ve bolded my comments for easier reading)

You: Excuse me, I can’t help but notice that you are unsatisfied with your fruitcake-pattern hoodie. I have to say that I’m surprised but happy for you.

What he does here is notices something interesting in the environment and makes a humorous comment on it. Of course you won’t always be in a situation where a beautiful woman is returning a quirky Christmas gift, but if you pay more attention to your surroundings, you’ll find a number of things to comment on. A simple exercise you can do to develop this  capacity is to stop several times a day, look around, and take note of 5 interesting things in your surroundings. You should try to look at life through the lens of a comedian and find humorous interpretations of these interesting things, or at the very least simply be able to comment on them in an interesting way. Most guys have this capacity already even if they don’t realize it. For example, if you see a girl carrying a suitcase. You can either say: “So, I see you have a suitcase”… not so interesting. Or, you can say, “I have to say, I’m ridiculously jealous of the fact that you’re going on vacation right now”. More interesting.

After noticing these interesting things share one or two of your observations with whoever is around you.

The second thing he does is share his personal feelings on the observation. This subtle move shows that he is high-status enough that his feelings carry enough value to be shared and expresses confidence.

Also, notice his opening the convo with a statement rather than a question. Classic Juggler.

Her: “Ha, hah ha.”

She found this observation extremely funny.

You: “I’ll trade you my Lance Armstrong tire repair kit. Or better yet, I got some Grandma cookies here somewhere.”

Juggler continues the initial joke with more humor and references to himself. This move not only showcases his wit but also frames both of them as having in common or something that they can both relate to.

Her: “Oh, I had too many of those lately.”

She responds favorably.

You: “Yeah, I can relate. I like that about you. You and I are the same. Who would have known. So I’m thinking of a New Year’s resolution. What’s yours going to be?”

Wayne strengthens the shared frame with his first line and then follows up with a classic Juggler SOI. The only thing is that the SOI here seems a bit un-calibrated. A woman should be complimented after she’s done something to deserve that compliment. Maybe her body language is screaming “I want you now” and that SOI would have been justified, but you really don’t get a sense of that from the script.

You can actually make something like this work though only with the correct vocal tonality. I’d probably leave out the “I like that about you” line but something along the lines of, “I can totally relate, I feel like you and I are like, the same person” when said in a very over-the-top, facetious tone of voice can work, although this really isn’t explained in the script.

He then breaks the thread and starts a new one with a somewhat related holiday question.

Her: “To finish law school.”

You: “Oh that’s a good one. I can hire you to sue grandma for the bad cookies. Seriously though, that’s cool. I think I would like being a lawyer. I’d feel kinda powerful. Like yeah, give me a speeding ticket, see what happens.”

He does a good job here. He first uses a bit of callback humor to a previous point in the conversation and then paints a vivid and entertaining picture of what he feels it would be like to be a lawyer.

The latter half is a great technique that you can work on if it’s not a part of you repertoire just yet. A simple exercise is what we call the best/worst exercise. Simply think of any occupation or other information that a woman can give you and come up with the best and worst case scenario of what that would look like and then paint as vivid of a picture of that as possible.

For example, she says she’s an artist.

Best scenario: Oh, so you must be incredibly creative. You’ll have to let me know when your next exhibit will be and I’ll be there to marvel at your genius.

Worst scenario: Oh, so you must spend most of your time cooped up in a poorly-lit apartment with a bottle of Jack then. I can see that as being fun.

The more of these you think though and have something for the more often you’ll have a creative and witty line to drop on the spot.

Her: “Haha, yeah it is good to know law for practical reasons. For instance, my professor says…”

You: “Hey, I like you. What are you doing after this?”

In the comment section he clears up the fact that he is not actually cutting the girl off here, but rather lets her finish saying whatever she’s saying before responding.

The SOI here is much better calibrated. In her response she is sharing something more personal about her life and is contributing a good deal to the conversation. Because she’s done that he takes advantage of a great time to reward her for it and escalate the interaction.

Her: “I’m meeting a friend for lunch.”

Burn

You: “Oh too bad, I thought it might be fun to sit down at the Starbucks over there and chat a bit more for five minutes. I like talking with you.”

Meh. After the recent SOI and her not reciprocating anything of the sort I wouldn’t have followed up with “I like talking to you”. The Starbucks thing is fine in that it’s confidently stating your intention, although I would probably go with something like, “That’s too bad, this is the best return-line conversation I’ve ever had, we have to continue it sometime”, and expressed nearly the same thing and added a bit of humor back into it rather than just the overkill, borderline-desperate SOI.

Her: “Are you hitting on me?”

You: “Maybe I am and maybe I’m not. It all depends on if you like it or not. And judging by your smile now I would say, yes I AM hitting on you. Sure that’s the ticket.”

“Sure, that’s the ticket”: If you have Juggler’s personality, you can use this all day. If you don’t, I’d probably stay from this one. Otherwise, the rest of it is a cute line that I would use anytime.

The line that I actually prefer here though is credited to Zan Parrion and that response is “Of course I’m hitting on you”. It’s just a whole other level of Juggler’s stuff.

Her: “Well, just to warn you I have a black belt in flirting defense. But yeah, let’s sit down for five minutes.”

Has anyone actually heard a girl say this?

You: “Excellent. What’s your name by the way?”

Her: “My name is Persimonia”

You: “Nice name. I’m impressed. My name is your name here. In the language of the old country it means, he who drinks hot chocolate through a straw.”

Great name exchange and another cute line to finish. You can steal this one or go for something along the lines of, “I’m Nick, it’s nice to meet you. Well, we’ve only got 5 minutes together so we had better take full advantage of it.

At a high level, Juggler’s only fault in this interaction is the fact that he is almost “trapped” in his Juggler method framework and forced to rely too heavily on the SOI and use it in situations where it wouldn’t be warranted. Will this work on some girls? Absolutely. Will it creep other girls out? Absolutely.

Finally, one other point that was never mentioned: In order to make this or any conversation a successful one, you must carry great eye contact, body language, and vocal tonality. If you’re lacking those elements, those ‘ha ha’s from her will turn into weird looks and polite nodding.

Thank you again to Juggler for the great conversation and good luck to everyone else using some of this stuff in the future.

Cheers